Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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