apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
