you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Mom said you looked used
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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