I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
