it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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