I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
