I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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