dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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