I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
