ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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