I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
