Girls should come with a carfax report
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
