she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
