Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
