I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
