I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
