Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
