Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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