apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
