There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
