You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
