my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
