If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
