That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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