in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
