and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
