Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
