the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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