I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
