Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
