i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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