Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
