I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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