I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're making bets on your personal life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
