I'm so fucking centered right now
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
