I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
