Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
where am i from again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
