Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
