woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
