The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
