Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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