I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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