I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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