I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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