Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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