you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
