it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
