she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
