we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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