I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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