my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize