i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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