I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
