Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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