tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
