he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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