I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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