she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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