is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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