apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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