Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he thought i was a dude.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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