Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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