You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
