I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't turn off my feet"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
