Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
