im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will be naked everywhere
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
