I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
