Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
