I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
