he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
