I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
