I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
...so i touched it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
