Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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