How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
