worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He passed out mid-signature
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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