he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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