question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
