I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
