shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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