Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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