The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
