Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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