Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This house was built for laser tag.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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