I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize